I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
