i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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