im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
