Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
