First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
