I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
too bad you live with your parents still
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
