Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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