There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
