You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
