Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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