it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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