Kiss
Puke
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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