Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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