Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
