i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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