Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
