I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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