Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
