I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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