I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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