I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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