This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
