After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
