she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
