sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize