dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
