How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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