My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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