In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
