two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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