I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
