I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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