his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
