piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
