shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
