My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
