New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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