I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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