You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
