I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
