In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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