How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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