My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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