Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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