No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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