you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I haven't been this sober since birth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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