that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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