Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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