i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
