Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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