Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
