The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
