Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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