it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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