I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
