I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
