I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
