He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
