I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize