I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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