it hurts more in the daytime
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
